Moms Who Drink and Swear

Moms Who Drink and Swear Author Nicole Knepper
ISBN-10 9781101650943
Year 2013-04-02
Pages 336
Language en
Publisher Penguin
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If you feel like your kids are killing you, you’ve come to the right place. Attention all potty-mouthed, cheap-wine-drinking mothers: Prepare to meet your match. Any bad thought you’ve had about your kids, Nicole Knepper has had worse. Much worse. It’s not that she doesn’t love her kids. It’s that she understands what a mind-f*?% it can be to try to civilize those wild little beasts. Based on her hugely popular Facebook page, “Moms Who Drink and Swear,” this book reveals why family dinners are like herpes, how to avoid smashing toys that are being fought over, and the joy of hearing that your son has murdered his imaginary friend. As Nicole rants and raves about caring for children (without crushing their souls), family togetherness (without too many tears), the saving grace of girlfriends (and vodka), and love and marriage (and all the baggage that goes with them), she gets to the heart of what every exasperated mom is thinking, just much funnier.

W h ine

W h ine Author Jennifer Todryk
ISBN-10 9781631063350
Year 2017-04-18
Pages 128
Language en
Publisher
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This isn't your ordinary wine pairing book--this is wine pairing for the weary parent! Did your daughter just get out of bed for the twelfth time to ask for a glass of water? We've got the perfect ros� for your sanity. Did your son just have a meltdown in the middle of the grocery store? We've got a Pinot for your pain. Has your child's math homework left you in a state of total depression? Try a Syrah to get you out of that funk. W(h)ine includes fifty perfect pairings to match your child's perfectly rotten behavior! You'll also discover the best ways to open a wine bottle without a corkscrew (hint: use a shoe). As a bonus, each wine featured in the book comes with a sticker, so every time you sample a wine to match a rotten behavior, go ahead and add it to the Periodic Table of W(h)ine that folds out of the book. The sticker groupings will help you determine if your child has behavior problems, attitude problems, or just plain bad DNA! So whether you like your "juice" from the glass, the bottle, or the box, this is the perfect book to wine your way through the joys of day-to-day parenting.

I Heart My Little A Holes

I Heart My Little A Holes Author Karen Alpert
ISBN-10 9780062341617
Year 2014-04-08
Pages 304
Language en
Publisher Harper Collins
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Following the success of Go the F**k to Sleep, Confessions of a Scary Mommy, and Ketchup Is a Vegetable, a collection of funny, warm, and charmingly profane tales from the frontlines of parenthood by the author of the popular Baby Sideburns blog. Once upon a time you and your partner had a perfect life: dinners out, weekend mornings cuddling in bed, brunch with friends. Then you gave birth to a poop machine (or two). Now, it's all about the pediatrician, breast pumps, princess dresses, and minivans. And discovering that your pride and joy is actually a little A-hole. When your son wakes you up at 3:00 A.M. because he wants to watch Caillou, he's an a-hole. When your daughter outlines every corner of your living room with a purple crayon, she's an a-hole. When your rug rats purposely paint the kitchen ceiling with their smoothies, they're a-holes. At times like these, it's only natural to want to kill them (or yourself). But it's against the law (and there's the suicide hotline). Plus, there's that whole loving them more than anything in the whole world thing. In I Heart My Little A-Holes, Karen Alpert shares hilarious stories, lists, and deep thoughts on the joys and horrors of raising children. Accompanied by cheery illustrations and photos I Heart My Little A-Holes will make you laugh so hard you'll wish you were wearing a diaper.

Reasons Mommy Drinks

Reasons Mommy Drinks Author Lyranda Martin-Evans
ISBN-10 9780385349291
Year 2013
Pages 223
Language en
Publisher Three Rivers Press
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Based on the popular blog, an uproarious collection of essays on the struggles of new motherhood is complemented by cocktail recipes and shares the stories of two award-winning businesswomen who bonded over their love for their babies and mutual bewilderment at the myriad ways their lives were upended. Original.

Confessions of a Scary Mommy

Confessions of a Scary Mommy Author Jill Smokler
ISBN-10 9781451673784
Year 2012-04-03
Pages 176
Language en
Publisher Simon and Schuster
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Sometimes I just let my children fall asleep in front of the TV. In a culture that idealizes motherhood, it’s scary to confess that, in your house, being a mother is beautiful and dirty and joyful and frustrating all at once. Admitting that it’s not easy doesn’t make you a bad mom; at least, it shouldn’t. If I can’t survive my daughter as a toddler, how the hell am I going to get through the teenage years? When Jill Smokler was first home with her small children, she thought her blog would be something to keep friends and family updated. To her surprise, she hit a chord in the hearts of mothers everywhere. I end up doing my son’s homework. It’s wrong, but so much easier. Total strangers were contributing their views on that strange reality called motherhood. As other women shared their stories, Jill realized she wasn’t alone in her feelings of exhaustion and imperfection. My eighteen month old still can’t say “Mommy” but used the word “shit” in perfect context. But she sensed her readers were still holding back, so decided to start an anonymous confessional, a place where real moms could leave their most honest thoughts without fearing condemnation. I pretend to be happy but I cry every night in the shower. The reactions were amazing: some sad, some pee-in-your-pants funny, some brutally honest. But they were real, not a commercial glamorization. I clock out of motherhood at 8 P.M. and hide in the basement with my laptop and a beer. If you’re already a fan, lock the bathroom door on your whining kids, run a bubble bath, and settle in. If you’ve not encountered Scary Mommy before, break out a glass of champagne as well, because you’ll be toasting your initiation into a select club. I know why some animals eat their young. In chapters that cover husbands (The Biggest Baby of Them All) to homework (Didn’t I Already Graduate?), Confessions of a Scary Mommy combines all-new essays from Jill with the best of the anonymous confessions. Sometimes I wish my son was still little—then I hear kids screaming at the store. As Jill says, “We like to paint motherhood as picture perfect. A newborn peacefully resting on his mother’s chest. A toddler taking tentative first steps into his mother’s loving arms. A mother fluffing her daughter’s prom dress. These moments are indeed miraculous and joyful; they can also be few and far between.” Of course you adore your kids. Of course you would lay down your life for them. But be honest now: Have you ever wondered what possessed you to sign up for the job of motherhood? STOP! DO NOT OPEN THIS BOOK UNTIL YOU RECITE THESE VOWS! I shall remember that no mother is perfect and my children will thrive because, and sometimes even in spite, of me. I shall not preach to a fellow mother who has not asked my opinion. It’s none of my damn business. I shall maintain a sense of humor about all things motherhood.

I Want My Epidural Back

I Want My Epidural Back Author Karen Alpert
ISBN-10 9780062427090
Year 2016-04-05
Pages 320
Language en
Publisher HarperCollins
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Now that I’m a mom, I know the most painful part isn’t getting something giant through your hooha. It’s having a real live child. If you are the kind of mom who shapes your kiddo’s organic quinoa into reproductions of the Mona Lisa, do not read this book. If you stayed up past midnight to create posters for your PTO presidential campaign, do not read this book. If you look down your nose at parents who have Domino’s pizza on speed dial, do not read this book. But if you are the kind of parent who accidentally goes ballistic on your rugrats every morning because they won’t put their shoes on and then you feel super guilty about it all day so you take them to McDonald’s for a special treat but really it’s because you opened up your freezer and panicked because you forgot to buy more frozen pizzas, then absolutely read this book. I Want My Epidural Back is a celebration of mediocre parents and how awesome they are and how their kids love them just as much as children with perfect parents. Karen Alpert’s honest but hilarious observations, stories, quips and pictures will have you nodding your head and peeing in your pants. Or on the toilet if you’re smart and read it there.

This Is Why We Can t Have Nice Things Parenting Marriage Madness

This Is Why We Can t Have Nice Things   Parenting  Marriage  Madness Author Clint Edwards
ISBN-10 9781483433332
Year 2015-07-06
Pages 214
Language en
Publisher Lulu.com
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"Clint is one of my favorite dad voices today ... He's the perfect combination of LOL funny, completely relatable and down to earth. There's nobody else quite like him!" - Jill Smokler, Scary Mommy "Clint Edwards brings real humor to the unsavory parts of childcare..." - Eli Epstein, Mashable "I always know, when I'm about to read a piece by Clint, that I'll end up nodding my head in agreement..." - Amy Joyce, The Washington Post "Clint Edwards writes about fatherhood in a way that is refreshingly self-deprecating and brilliantly honest. With views on parenting that are often off-beat and unconventional, Clint's work emanates a genuine warmth, enthusiasm and most of all, an unshakeable dedication to being the best father he can be." - Grace Koelma, Kidspot "Clint Edwards is dynamic. As a modern dad, his perspective is refreshing and his knack for stating the obvious and otherwise-not-mentioned is what allows him to connect with his readers." -Lara Bestbier, All4Baby.co.za

Sh tty Mum

Sh tty Mum Author Mary Ann Zoellner
ISBN-10 9781444755213
Year 2012-09-13
Pages 224
Language en
Publisher Hachette UK
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Children. They want everything and they want it now. They don't care about killing your sex life or the way they add six inches to the length of your breasts, and they sure as hell don't give a sh*t that you only slept four hours last night. Any person, physical need or dream that takes you away from them for even five seconds is their natural enemy and must be crushed with loud, endless cries. This book is about how to survive babies, and what they grow into: children. It's about shortcuts and parenting with 40% effort. You'll learn how to ignore, avoid, threaten and lie in easy-to-skim-while-locked-in-the-bathroom mini-chapters, plus valuable 'How to Fake it' tips to help you through those days when there isn't enough sh*tty advice in the world. We get you. We get your little dictators. And we can help.

Sh tty Mom for All Seasons

Sh tty Mom for All Seasons Author Alicia Ybarbo
ISBN-10 9781613127193
Year 2016-04-05
Pages 176
Language en
Publisher Abrams
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The authors of the New York Times–bestselling Sh*tty Mom are back with a hilarious guide presenting common parenting scenarios with advice for getting through the year the sh*tty mom way. Told in the same tongue-in-cheek voice as the original, this sequel is full of funny parenting tips and relatable stories for contemporary moms. Sh*tty Mom for All Seasons explores the occasions throughout the year that test every mother’s patience and inspire self-deprecating humor and that second glass of wine. With chapters organized by season, the book will teach you how to navigate the bumpy roads of motherhood, learn to laugh at the occasional parenting fail, and maybe even appreciate your own mother. Or not. Sample chapters for the sh*tty mom year include: Fall: “Yes, We All Have to Be Here: The Annual PTO Funsraiser” Winter: “Mom’s Real New Year’s Resolutions” Spring: “I’m Running Off with the Gardner: April Fools!” Summer: “Summer Reading Lists & Other Great Reasons Why You Don’t Home School” The Emmy Award–winning TODAY show producers and self-proclaimed sh*tty moms, Alicia Ybarbo and Mary Ann Zoellner, together with humorist Erin Clune, bring you the perfect book for mothers who don’t take themselves too seriously.

Hard to Die

Hard to Die Author Andra Watkins
ISBN-10 0990859371
Year 2016-11-01
Pages 262
Language en
Publisher Word Hermit Press LLC
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Nowhere Series Book 1 An inventive new take on the uncharted fate of Theodosia Burr Alston, the fiery daughter of Alexander Hamilton's murderer Aaron Burr, and subject of "Dear Theodosia" in the Tony Award-winning Broadway musical, Hamilton. This speculative fiction time-warp combines elements of history, the paranormal, and suspense to breathe fresh air into Theodosia's forgotten life and story. By the New York Times best-selling author of Not Without My Father.

A Child Called It

A Child Called It Author Dave Pelzer
ISBN-10 9781409124627
Year 2010-06-24
Pages 240
Language en
Publisher Hachette UK
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A harrowing, yet inspiring true story of a young boy's abusive childhood, from internationally bestselling author Dave Pelzer. Dave Pelzer was brutally beaten and starved by his emotionally unstable, alcoholic mother - a mother who played tortuous, unpredictable games. She no longer considered Dave a son, but a slave; no longer a boy, but an 'it'. His bed was an old army cot in the basement, his clothes were torn and unwashed, and when he was allowed the luxury of food it was scraps from the dog's bowl. The outside world knew nothing of the nightmare played out behind closed doors. But throughout Dave kept alive dreams of finding a family to love him. This book covers the early years of his life and is an affecting and inspirational book of the horrors of child abuse and the steadfast determination of one child to survive.

Why a Son Needs a Mom

Why a Son Needs a Mom Author Gregory Lang
ISBN-10 1402230893
Year 2007-09-01
Pages 128
Language en
Publisher Sourcebooks, Inc.
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The fourth book in the Family Matters series, Why a Son Needs a Momis a reminder of the important roles a mother plays in a boy's life, as he experiences warmth and security from her and learns to be confident, loving, and accepting of others - in preparation for possibly being a father himself someday.

I Still Just Want to Pee Alone

I Still Just Want to Pee Alone Author Jen Mann
ISBN-10 0988408066
Year 2015-03-12
Pages 196
Language en
Publisher
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I STILL Just Want to Pee Alone (Pee Alone #3) Don't miss the third book in this bestselling series! Motherhood is STILL the toughest - and STILL the funniest - job you'll ever love. We know that raising kids is hard work. The pay sucks, your boss is a tyrant, and the working conditions are pitiful - TGIF means nothing to a mother! You said it before and you're saying it again, "I STILL just want to pee alone!" I STILL Just Want to Pee Alone is ANOTHER collection of hilarious and heartwarming essays from 40 MORE of the most kick ass mom bloggers on the web. Including: People I Want to Punch in the Throat, Bad Parenting Moments, Let Me Start By Saying, and The Sh*tastrophy. Find essays like: It's Not Pee. It's You. Open Letter to My Daughter: My Mother was Right and You Should Think I Am, Too. And Then God Laughed Flames, Knives, and Fear: A Family Dinner Let's Piss Off the Babies This is Volume 3 of The Pee Alone series.

People I Want to Punch in the Throat

People I Want to Punch in the Throat Author Jen Mann
ISBN-10 9780345549983
Year 2014-09-09
Pages 224
Language en
Publisher Ballantine Books
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NATIONAL BESTSELLER A debut collection of witty, biting essays laced with a surprising warmth, from Jen Mann, the writer behind the popular blog People I Want to Punch in the Throat People I want to punch in the throat: • anyone who feels the need to bling her washer and dryer • humblebraggers • people who treat their pets like children Jen Mann doesn’t have a filter, which sometimes gets her in trouble with her neighbors, her fellow PTA moms, and that one woman who tried to sell her sex toys at a home shopping party. Known for her hilariously acerbic observations on her blog, People I Want to Punch in the Throat, Mann now brings her sharp wit to bear on suburban life, marriage, and motherhood in this laugh-out-loud collection of essays. From the politics of joining a play group, to the thrill of mothers’ night out at the gun range, to the rewards of your most meaningful relationship (the one you have with your cleaning lady), nothing is sacred or off-limits. So the next time you find yourself wearing fuzzy bunny pajamas in the school carpool line or accidentally stuck at a co-worker’s swingers party, just think, What would Jen Mann do? Or better yet, buy her book. Advance praise for People I Want to Punch in the Throat “People I Want to Punch in the Throat is so good that it’ll make you want to adopt all the cats in the world. I’m not sure about the correlation, but it’s that good. It should come with a warning.”—Jenny Lawson, author of Let’s Pretend This Never Happened “Jen Mann has an amazing way of telling stories that will make you cringe and burst out laughing at the same time. From swinger parties to racist toddlers, she makes the suburbs unbelievably funny.”—Karen Alpert, author of I Heart My Little A-Holes “Jen Mann says the things we’re all too afraid to say. Her honest and hilarious writing style reminds me of David Sedaris and Tina Fey.”—Robin O’Bryant, author of Ketchup Is a Vegetable: And Other Lies Moms Tell Themselves “Jen Mann’s shrewd and unrelenting assault on the absurdity of suburban life is an honest peek into the occasional nightmare that is part of living the American dream. I love Jen. I wish she was my neighbor. It’s so refreshing to know that I’m not the only one who wants to punch almost everyone in the f***ing throat.”—Nicole Knepper, author of Moms Who Drink And Swear From the Trade Paperback edition.

Love Gelato

Love   Gelato Author Jenna Evans Welch
ISBN-10 9781481432542
Year 2016-04-12
Pages 256
Language en
Publisher Simon and Schuster
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"After her mother dies, Lina travels to Italy where she discovers her mothers's journal and sets off on an adventure to unearth her mother's secrets"--